So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
