Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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