R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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