Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
