pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
