He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
