i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
