the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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