Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
