Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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