sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
