I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i would one night stand the shit outta him
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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