I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
