the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize