so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
