literally had 100 drinks last night.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
