I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
