i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
