I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
