Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
