I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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