so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
