god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
