I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
