im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
