I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
