apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Someone shattered a urinal.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
