I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
