Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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