phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
