so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
