But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
