just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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