so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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