He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
