haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
