im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
