Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize