youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
