i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
