would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
