His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
