So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize