I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
