at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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