WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
