My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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