She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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