hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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