Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I could fuck to npr.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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