"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
