fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
