you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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