Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
