Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
