I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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