if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize
