real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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