glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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