She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
