I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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