the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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