he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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