hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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