I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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