I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize