dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize