I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
