saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
