I could have mohawked her pubes.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
