i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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