I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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