Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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