I just made out with a guy for $7.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
