Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
