I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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