carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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