Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
