we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Is it penis luge time yet?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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