My boss' voice literally gives me gas
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
