a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you didnt know i had herpes?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
