Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
