WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
