At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
