My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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