FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize