Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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