I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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