who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
