i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
