Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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