I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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