oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
it's great music for shaving your balls
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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