I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
