hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
