OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
And then he peed in my hair
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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