i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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