you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
