We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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