I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
